Despite being one of the most common pain points in a relationship, sex is one of the last things couples bring up in therapy.
But one of the best things you can do for your sex life is to talk about it. And that starts here.
The bedroom flips the script.
Oftentimes, a couple’s everyday dynamic reverses in the bedroom. The partner who pursues connection all day may withdraw — while the partner who is distant elsewhere becomes the one initiating sex. The same applies to roles and preferences: the one who manages everything outside the bedroom may wish to give up control within it, and vice versa. This is your nervous system seeking balance, not consistency. Understanding these patterns instead of assuming your sexual dynamic will mirror your everyday one is the first step.
When sex therapy may help.
Desire discrepancy
Performance anxiety or pressure around sex
Life-transition changes (a new baby, menopause, illness)
Sex that’s become routine, infrequent, or has stopped altogether
Painful sex or physical discomfort with no clear medical cause
FAQs
Will we be asked to do anything uncomfortable during sessions?
Contrary to the name, sex therapy does not involve anything physical in the session—no demonstrations or enactments. Any suggestions are discussed, consented to first, and will be practiced in your own private space.
How is this different from regular couples therapy?
First of all, it doesn’t have to be. Often, dynamics in and out of the bedroom influence each other and both are addressed in couples therapy. However, some couples seek a specialized focus on sexual and intimacy concerns that don’t necessarily spill over into other aspects of their relationship.
What if the issue turns out to be medical rather than psychological?
We’ll help identify when that’s the case and can refer out to appropriate medical providers as part of a coordinated approach.
What if we don’t feel comfortable talking about this out loud?
That discomfort is common, and part of what we work through together. Most couples find it gets easier after the first session or two.
Can we come even if only one of us thinks it’s a problem?
Yes. It’s common for one partner to feel more urgency than the other — that gap is often part of the work itself.